I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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