I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
