Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
