I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
