he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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