you have to choose: penises or morals?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
