and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
