Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
