I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
