OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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