Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
please come you make the beer taste better
only you would photoshop your dick
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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