I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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