Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize