meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
