Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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