I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Sponge bath it is.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
