You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
