he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
