im gay
i know
yea but for you.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
