I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
