so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
