I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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