nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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