I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
