remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
