hotel room ftw
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize