I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
