dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
