That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
