..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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