I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize