Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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