This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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