just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize