Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
