9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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