he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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