Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Rumble strips road head = magical
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
