bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
