He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
