Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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