You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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