put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
