MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
