these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
