I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
