I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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