I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
