Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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