I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
