SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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