There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
