he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
