So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
