he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
