I smell stomach acid.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
