The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
