My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
