I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
