I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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