your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
