That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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