Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
