Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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