Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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