"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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