my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize