foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize